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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 

Chap...Y.... Copyright No. 

■ Shelf.....?_a.\Ai(5S5 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



JEALOUSY. 



A COMMEDIETTA IN ONE ACT. 



BY THE AUTHOK OF "A ZEALOT IN TULLE.' 



<>^l^«^^^»vs. ^S^^C^ ^(r 



{REPRINTED FROM THE UNITED SERVICE, APRIL, 1889.] 



3? 



PHILADELPHIA: 

L. E. HAMEESLY & CO. 
1889. 




Copyright, 1889, by Marion White Wildbick, 



All rights reserved. 




f 






JEALOUSY. 

A COMMEDIETTA IN ONE ACT. 

BY THE AtJTHOR OF "A ZEALOT IN TULLE." 

CHAKACTEKS. 

Paltl Golightley, Gertextde Golightley, Man and Wife. 
Frank Tralee, Madge Pomeroy, Engaged to be married. 
Moses Periwinkle, Sej^vant. 

SCENE. — A parlor. As the curtain rises a very corpulent, middle-aged man- 
servant is discovered posing in front of a mirror, with a duster trailing from 
his hand. His manner is one of perplexity as he stands on tiptoe, turning this 
way, now that, in his eflForts to obtain an undivided view of his back. He 
advances towards the front of the stage. 

Moses Periwinhle. I very much fear me there is something chalked 
onto the middle of my back. I wish I knowed. Just you listen, now, 

to those two young ladies a-carryin' on ! I suspicion 'em — I — I 

Oh, deary ! there they come again : this way, too ! I'm afeard of 'em. 
I speak right out. I'm afeard of 'em. Oh, gimini ! \he hacks to a 
position in front of the mirror, rising on tiptoe, and trying to look again 
over one shoulder, noio the other, at himself reflected there^ if I could 
only get one good look at my back ! I'd know the worstest, then. Is 
there any object chalked onto it ? Is it a name or a face — or — or a 
kangaroo — is it ? They're at the door ! What now, Moses Periwinkle 
— be a man, sir ! Fetch a cool face ! Don't let 'em play any more 
games onto you ! 

\_As he hastens from the mirror, slapping the furniture energetically 
with his duster, a door opens and tivo young ladies enter, bearing in their 
arms masses of wearing apparel. Moses backs towards an opposite 
door with a dancing, ceremonious step and disappear s."] 

Madge Pomeroy. Yes, laugh — laugh, Gertrude. Never stop ! It's 
the only hope you can have against such dismal, foolish thoughts as 
you persist in. 

Mrs. Golightley. I try to laugh with you, Madge, but 'tis the hardest 
thing I ever had to do. I fear the future. Paul may not prove true. 
It may be for him too trying an ordeal. \_Throws down her armful of 



2 JEALOUSY. 

clothes and clasps her hands together.'] Then, then, Madge, what should 
I do? I must live with him all the days of my life ! " For better, 
for worse." "For better, for worse." Don't you hear those words, 
Madge, tolling like a knell ? 

Madge. That refrain is dreadfuller than the old clock's on the stair. 
I declare it is ! But away with such frightening fancies ! Gertrude, 
let me ask you, what if Paul should prove true ? 

Mrs. Golightley. [Pausing in her nervous walk to and fro, as if taken 
aback by the novelty of this idea.] I never thought of such a possibility. 
That never occurred to me. Under those circumstances, I — I — might 
feel ashamed of myself. 

Madge. Speed the happy hour! You need to be made to feel 
ashamed of yourself. [She regards her friend's drooping air for a 
moment in compassionate silence, then begins energetically to shake out 
from the mass of wearing apparel dumped on a chair divers veils, ribbons, 
and loraps. These she places one by one upon a table!] Now Gertrude, 
so far as I am concerned in this matter 

3Irs. Golightley. Well? 

Madge. Here is my position in a few words : I haven't been married 
three weeks. I don't go worrying all the time as to whom Frank 
might have loved if he hadn't loved me ; as to what he might do in 
the future, were he tried. I am simply myself, — Madge Pomeroy, at 
your service, — engaged to Frank and willing to believe that Frank's 
fidelity to me would stand any trial. So, having proclaimed the faith 
I have in the man I love, I think only of the sport we are to have, — 
and it will be sport, indeed ! 

Mrs. Golightley. Yes, sport for you, perhaps. Frank is different 
from Paul. Frank never trifles. Paul is a poet, a dreamer. He is 
easily led, — so easily 

Madge. By you ! Don't lay that up against your husband, Ger- 
trude. 

Mrs. Golightley. No ; but don't you see, Madge, Paul explains him- 
self to me in that way? If Jean lead him so easily, then why cannot 
somebody else? The thought makes me wretched. It will recur what- 
ever I may do to banish it. Had he not met me first, he would have met 
and loved somebody else ! 

Madge. Oh, Gertrude ! Now I must laugh one little trill at your 
expense. 

Mrs. Golightley. [Pacing to and fro.] Failing all hope of ever 
discovering the identity of that other woman whom Paul might have 
loved had he met her first, it still remains to me to probe the present 
and the future ; to learn the worst of his emotional capabilities where 
other women are concerned. I shall never rest until I have done this 
thing. 

Madge, I believe you. You are become a monomaniac. I suppose 



JEALOUSY. 3 

there are other women in this world like you who, with tenderly loved 
husbands to adore them, doubt that adoration because it comes so easy. 
Did the man stand off, you'd forget all your doubts in your eao-erness 
to win him. 

3L'S. Golightley, A sermon ! 

Madge. No, not yet. A sermon may come in aptly enough at the 
end of our frolic. Ft)r, remember, this escapade of ours is to be one 
of pure fun, and no tragedy. We are simply to play a woman's trick 
on the men we love. So, 'tis " hey non nonny, nonny, hey nonny !" 

Gertrude. Oh, to have your light heart ! 

Madge. It comes with the trying to have it. But come, dear, sit 
you here. {^Pressing Mrs. Golightley into an easy-chair placed before 
the looking-glass.^ Time is passing. Time won't wait for moods or 
tenses or — intenses. There, that's poor, I know. I won't perpetrate 
another such, not even if you'll consent to laugh at it. Now here is 
our make-up. \_Fingers carefully the different toilet-articles scattered on a 
table.'] Yes, here you are, — wigs, blonde powder, rouge, and veloutine. 
Now, Gertrude, I'll bewig you and blacken your eyebrows and tint up 
your complexion 5 then veil you, until, disguised as you are in that 
strange dress and decked out in those other furbelows, why, you should 
deceive even me, your confederate ! 

Mrs. Golightley. But — but — [her voice falling dismally'] what if 
Paul should fall in love with me? 

Madge. [Laughs as she applies the powder-puff to Gerteude's up- 
turned face.] I think that state of affairs might be explained, might it 
not ? as a sort of second nature. There, there, — you are so dreadfully 
in earnest, I didn't mean to jest. 

Mrs. Golightley. Madge, dear. 

Madge. Yes, Gertrude. 

Mrs. Golightley. I have never thought to ask you before. I have 
been too self-absorbed. Have you any trouble? 

Madge. Let me think. No — yes, — oh, yes, but I never thought of 
it before — as a trouble, I mean. 

Mrs. Golightley. Tell me about it, do. Perhaps I can help you. 

Madge. It's about Frank. 

[Mrs. Golightley glances up into Madge's face with eyes of com- 
passionate concern and takes one of the girl's hands in her own.] 

Mrs. Golightley. I thought so, dear. None of us are exempt, you 
see. 

Madge. It isn't a great trial, not a great one like yours. It's only 
about Frank not wearing buttons and things. 

Mrs. Golightley. Buttons ! not wear buttons ! Oh, Madge, that is 
impossible ! 

Madge. Well, -of course it doesn't sound like much of a trial after 
your tribulations; but you don't know how much happier" I'd be 



4 JEALOUSY. 

when I think of Frank, did he wear bright buttons and shouldec- 
straps, and did he walk in this way, — see, in this way, — shoulders 
back, eyes to the front, head up, chin /in, — so. When I dream of 
Frank he is always in uniform, and I refuse to believe that dreams go 
by contraries. 

Mrs. Golightley. That is no sorrow, child. May you never have a 
deeper one. Now, we must hurry in our preparations, or those gentle- 
men may return before we are ready. Moses ! [^Calls again,'] Moses ! 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Ma'am, your servant. 

Mrs. Golightley. Are the gentlemen in sight ? 

Moses. I'm sure not, for I've been a-watchin' th' road, so as to 
serve supper when they come. 

[Mrs. Golightley strikes an impressive attitude.'] 

Mrs. Golightley. Listen to my instructions, Moses Periwinkle! 
When Mr. Golightley and Mr. Tralee left home this morning, they 
understood that Miss Pomeroy and I were to be found absent on their 
return. So, understand, Moses, when they do arrive you are to an- 
nounce us as young ladies who, rowing on the lake, have taken shelter 
here from the storm. 

Moses. As you direct me, ma'am. 

[In the mean time Mrs. Golightley and Madge have given a few 
last touches to their disguises. They turn now to confront Moses Peri- 
winkle. He retreats in confusion.] 

, Moses. Yes, yes, Miss Gertrude — ma'am — if you're yourself — that 
is — Miss — Miss 

Madge. Our disguise is indeed a success if you are set agog by it, 
good Moses. 

Mrs. Golightley. Now, sir, go and watch carefully ; advise us in time 
of our lords' return ; and, above all, do not dare betray our secret to 
any one. [Exit Moses. 

[Madge takes two or three airy steps before Mrs. Golightley.] 

Madge. Now, I look lovely, I know I do, and I shall make such 
violent love to my dear Frank. 

Mrs. Golightley. The die is cast. Look at me. Am I disguised ? 

Madge. Yes ; you are very different, Gertrude. Before this even- 
ing is over, I am sure, you will be declaring on my shoulder, or on 
Paul's, that all men are true ! 

[Madge proceeds to clear the table of the tell-tale toilet-articles left 
scattered upon it] 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Ma'am, while I was here a moment ago, master and Mr. 
Tralee drove through the yard to the stable. Shall I serve supper ? 
Mrs. Golightley. Delay supper for a few moments, — that is, until 



JEALOUSY. , 5 

Mr. Golightley inquires why it is not served. [Exit Moses.] I must 
have one little while longer in which to compose myself. Oh, Madge, 
I do tremble. 

MacJge. Don't tremble. Be brave. Eemember this is to be a 
frolic only. Hark ! they come ! [She begins an inquisitive excursion 
around the room. A door opens.'] What lovely pictures are to be found 
here. A— a— Bouguereau. Look at the light on that child's hands. 
How very like true sun-light 

Enter Paul Golightley and Feank Tealee, smoking. 
Mr. Golightley. Deserted, indeed, I feel, and how sad and lonely • 
[ Throwing his coat on a chair. ] It is the first time I have been separated 
from my wife since our marriage. 

Frank. [Removing his cigar from his mouth.'] Look about you, man. 
Not so very lonely after all. 

Madge. [Still rambling about the room with her back turned upon the 
gentlemen.] I wonder how the people look who live in this charming 
house. Can they be as delightful ? — Ah ! 

3Ir. Golightley. [Taking his cigar from his mouth and advancing.] 
Your pardon, ladies. 
Madge. Oh ! 

Mrs. Golightley. [Rising from a seat beside the fire.] Sir, we beg 
yours. We find ourselves your uninvited guests, having taken shelter 
here from the storm. We were rowing on the lake when the rain came 
on. [ Waving her hand in the direction of Madge.] My friend. Miss 
Dacre. 

Madge. [ Waving hers.] And my friend. Miss Madge Kirby. 
Mr. Golightley. [Indicating Feank.] Allow me to present to you 
my friend, Mr. Frank Tralee. My name is Golightley,— Paul Go- 
lightley. We are bachelors to-night, our family being absent from 
home; but we bid you young ladies welcome all the same. 

Madge. [In a disappointed voice.] Are you not always bachelors ? 
Frank. I am, but my friend Golightley, there, is not so for- 
tunate. 

Madge. [Aside.] Oh! oh! 
. 3Irs. Golightley. We shall not intrude longer than is absolutely 
necessary upon your kind, but enforced, hospitality. The rain may 

cease soon, and then 

Mr. Golightley. Don't think of such a cruel thing as departure, I 
pray of you. The storm will last all night, I am sure. Be seated, 
young ladies ; or will you retire to my wife's boudoir. 

Mrs. Golightley. I_I_vvould like a— a thread and needle or a— a 
hair-pin. [Aside.] Oh, to be alone for just one moment. I — I feel so 
frightened — so beside myself. 

Mr. Golightley. [Opening door.] Enter, ladies, and make yourselves 



6 JEALOUSY. 

entirely at home. I welcome your presence within even more warmly 
than my wife would, were she here. By the time you return to us 
supper shall be served. \_Exit ladies. 

Frank. I smell a rat. [Seizes a 'poher from ihe fire-plaoe.'] 
Mr. Golightley. [ Throwing up his head and sniffing the air^ It is 
a most penetrating bouquet, — bouquet de rodent. An} body would 
recognize it. 

Frank. [Striking a tragic attitude.'] What now ! a rat ! [Pi^etends 
to draw a sword from its scabbard a la Hamlet.] Dead ! for a ducat, 
dead ! [Hakes a pass with the poker through an imaginary arras.] 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Oh ! — oh ! It's only a frolic, master, only a frolic, and 

I've promised not to tell 

Mr. Golightley. Ghost of Polonius ! Serve supper at once, sir. 
Begone ! [Exit Moses in a hurry. 

Frank. Poor Eve's daughters ! 

Mr. Golightley. Yes ; what children they are ! But let us help 
them out with it. 

Enter Mrs. Golightley and Madge, the latter fastening a rose in 
the waist of her gown. 
Frank. [Crossing to Mrs. Golightley.] You have no flower. 
Let me give you one. I have seen you many times rowing upon the 
lake, and I have longed to take lessons of you at the oar. Believe 
me, I am an apt pupil at any diversion. 

Enter Moses loith a tray of dishes. He lays the cloth and sets the table. 
Exit as soon as done. 
Mr. Golightley. [Devoting himself to Madge.] Had you schemed 
to give us pleasure this evening, you could not have succeeded so well. 
I am not only a bachelor to-night, but under these most pleasant and 
unexpected circumstances I enjoy being a bachelor. 

Frank. [To Mrs. Golightley, who watches her husband.] Why 
do you turn away from me ? [plaintively]. You will cause me to hate 
my best friend. It is useless for you to regard him longer. He is too 

far gone. Your friend attracts him, while I 

3£rs. Golightley. [Interrupting him with scorn.] You ! 
Mr. Golightley. [Offering his arm to Madge.] Allow me. Supper 
is served, I believe. Tralee, fetch Miss Kirby. To-night we shall eat 
and be merry, for to-morrow — [pauses with a gesture of despair] to- 
morrow I shall be willing to die ; won't you, hey, little Miss Dacre ? 
[Sings.] 

Oh, Moses, fill the flowing bowl 
Until it doth run over ; 
Oh, Moses— — 



JEALOUSY. 7 

\8cans the supper-tahle toith an air of sur2'>rvie.~\ If that fellow 
hasn't forgot the flowing bowl ! Neither wine nor bowl can my long- 
ing eyes discover. We can't stand this. We need enlivening. The 
wine ! the wine ! Miss Dacre, you sha'n't go much longer without 
your little warming glass or two. I'll hie me to fetch the where-with 
to fill the intoxicating measure. [Exit. 

3fadge. {_Seated at table.'] Mr. — Mr. Tralee, this is a dish, I believe, 
of compdte de pigeon. Shall I help you to a little of it, Mr. — [coax- 
inghj] Mr. Tralee ? 

Frank. [With an air of severity.'] Ladies first, please. [He turns 
tenderly to Mrs. Golightley.] Allow me. Miss Kirby, to pass your 
plate for a little of the compote de pigeon. 

Mrs. Golightley. It would choke me. I — I 

Enter Me. Golightley. 

Mr. Golightley. Behold, ladies, the oldest inhabitant of my cellar. 
l^Shows bottle.] When questioned as to its disappearance, I shall have to 
fib about it, for my wife likes port, and has had her particular eye 
upon this particular bottle a long while. [To Mrs. Golightley.] 
Miss Kirby, allow me. 

Mrs. Golightley. [ Waving her hand tragically over her glass.] None 

for me. 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. A telegram, sir. 

Mr. Golightley. From Gertrude, perhaps. Heavens ! what if she 
should appear at this moment ! [Opens message and glances over it] 

Mrs. Golightley. [Starting to her feet.] Yes [aside], what if she 
should appear at this moment ! [Makes a movement as if to tear away 
her disguises, but is withheld by Madge, who lays a hand upon her arm.] 

Frank. [To Madge.] Is your friend Miss Kirby hysterical? 

Madge. Sh — she doesn't like telegrams. 

Frank. [Approaching Mrs. Golightley.] For my sake, Miss 
Kirby, restrain yourself. 

Mr. Golightley. [Reading message aloud.] " Shall arrive by eight- 
o'clock train." That's what it says, Frank. Now here is a go ! [Bows 
his head upon his hand.] 

Mrs. Golightley. [Bitterly.] Is it your wife returning ? 

Madge. [Aside.] Hush, Gertrude. 

Mr. Golightley. Not so bad as that. Two of my oldest friends 
wire me that they are on the road to visit with me. Two of my oldest 
friends, — Captains Smith and Brand of the army. 

Madge. [ Clasping her hands in ecstasy.] Heal captains ? 

Frank. [ With sudden anxiety.] Pray, what is that to you ? — at — at 
least — ah — ah. Miss Dacre, do you prefer army men ? 

3Ti's. Golightley. [Recovering an air of indifference.] If you are to 



8 JEALOUSY. 

meet your friends, sir (ciddressing Mr. Golightley), pray do not let 
us detain you. 

Madge. I love army officers. 

3fr. Golightley. Then, if you permit us, ladies, Mr. Tralee and I 
will be off to meet our friends. We are an hour late, and there is 
danger of missing them on the road. Still we must go. [Approaching 
Madge and taking her hand.~\ Believe me. Miss Daere, the thought of 
leaving you so early in our acquaintance quite unnerves me. My only 
hope and consolation is the thought that you will consent to await here 
my most eager return to your society. 

Madge. \In a very faint voice.'] I — I don't know about it. 

Frank. \_Folloios Mrs. Golightley, who loalks nervously to and 
fro.l Yes, Miss Kirby, await my return ; and, as a token, give me 
that flower. 

Mrs. Golightley. [Throioing the flower on the ground.'] Stoop for it ! 
As for your friend, Mr, Golightley [turning severely towards that gen- 
tleman], he would stoop much lower for a favor from any woman ! 

Frank. [Aside.] Had him there. 

Mr. Golightley. Tear yourself away, Tralee, we must be off. 

Frank. Most hateful duty ! Miss Kirby, au revoir. 

[Exeunt both gentlemen. 

[ When they are gone, the ladies tear off their hats and veils. 

Mrs. Golightley. [ With her back turned on Madge.] Perfidious I 

And you were chosen to share the one secret of my soul. You - 

Oh, heaven, spare my distracted reason ! 

Madge. [In an astonished voice.] Oh ! ah ! how — how is that ? 
[Turning her back also.] Ah, I see. And so this is to be my return. 
Your anger; his disloyalty; nothing left me but to send Frank away 
to-morrow. I was so happy. I knew no fear. Oh, woman, why did 
I allow you to teach me to mistrust? 

Mrs. Golightley. [Turning swiftly.] Yes. Innocence itself! Con- 
fiding nature ! Clinging vine ! Come, sweet one, repose upon the 
bosom you have lacerated. [Extends her arms.] 

Madge. [Facing her.] And this to me? What have I done to 
deserve that look, that tone ? 

Mrs. Golightley. Done! Did I not see your glances, hear your 
asides? You encouraged Paul; you led him on. 

Madge. [Tossing her head.] Indeed ! So you accuse me ! Well, 
then, he could not but be fascinated by me. He said so, — Paid said so. 
You may have heard him. And I — I listened delighted, for while he 
whispered, you — you were inviting Frank to throw himself at your 
feet. 

Mrs. Golightley. [Contemptuously.] That boy ! never! [Sinks into 
a cJiair. Drops her head upon the table.] I see it all. It's all clear 
now. Paul would have loved you had he met you first. I have always 



JEALOUSY. 9 

felt he would have loved somebody had he met that somebody first. 
You would have been his wife, and I — I — not his wife. Oh, my brain, 
my heart on fire ! \_8tarts to her feet.'] But one joy remains to me, — 
let me not forget it, — one thing yet to live for, — revenge ! revenge! 

Madge. Yes ; but oh, dear ! why do you look at me in that way, 
Gertrude ? 

Mrs. GoUghtleif. What, ho, without, there ! 

Madge. Crazy ! she's crazy ! What shall I do ? Gertrude, listen 
to me, look me in the eye. [^sicZe.] I've heard that looking in the 
calm eye of a friend soothes the excited brain. 

3frs. Golightley. What, ho, without, there ! Slave! minion! 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Oh, dear ! oh, dreadful ! I thought I must be a dreamin', 
but I ain't. They're both crazy ! both gone crazy ! [Shivers and 
cowers by the door.] 

Mrs. Golightley. [Extending her hand.] Peace, caitiff. 

Madge. [Extending hers.] Peace, poor idiot. 

Moses. It's gone too far, the frolic has. I see it when's too late. 
Listen, Missus Gertrude [approaches gingerly], there's strangers at the 
door. Two officers into brass buttons, Missus Gertrude. 

Mrs. Golightley. Gadzookers, sir ! Two officers, say you ? 

Madge. With real swords on hip ? 

Moses. Yes, miss, are a-come to stay awhile, says they. 

Mrs. Golightley. Bid them enter. No, stand you without one mo- 
ment, good Moses. [Exit Moses. 

[Mes. Golightley seizes Madge's hand.] 

Mrs. Golightley. Madge, revenge ! revenge ! 

Madge. Yes, revenge ! revenge ! [Then in a sinhing voice.] But 
how? how? I couldn't stab any one, I know I couldn't ! 

Mrs. Golightley. Let us repay our gay Lotharios in their own coin. 
We will receive these strange gentlemen ; win by every art their ad- 
miration, and then — then those perfidious ones, returning, shall find us 
basking in the sunshine of their smiles. 

Madge. Yes; but who are we? — to these officers, I mean. 

Mrs. Golightley. Let us still play the part of ship- wrecked mariners, 
unveiled, for with these gentlemen, strangers to us, no disguise is 
necessary. I shall seat myself here to make a dressing for yon salad. 
We will invite them to the banquet, and our lords, returning, shall find 
these swordsmen sipping the contents of that bottle. Oh, Madge, that 
bottle was the pride of Paul's cellar; he swore by its cobwebs; yet he 
ran like a boy to fillip it forth for you ! 

Madge. There, there, Gertrude, this is not avenging ourselves, — this 
is wasting time. See, here I seat myself to crochet. Behold the needle 
and behold the wool ! I forget Frank willingly. He becomes abstract 



10 JEALOUSY. 

to my mind, a mere creature of mirage. Two ofiBcers — only think of 
it, Gertrude — in uniform and with real swords on hip! 

Mrs. Qolightley. [Seats herself at table and begins mixing a mayon- 
naise dressing. '\ Moses ! — Oh, where is the man ? — Moses ! 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Ma'am, my duty. 

Mrs. GoUghtley. Bid those strange gentlemen enter. [Exit Moses. 
Mrs. GoUghtley. [Stirring vigorously.'] Sweet revenge, come hither. 
Madge. In shoulder-straps. 

[Enter Captains Smith and Brand in uniform, wigs, false whishers 
and moustaches. Their appearance is very hirsute. They pause near 
the door.~\ 

Madge. I must — I must fall in love with somebody ! I feel that 
it is a necessity of my nature. 

Mrs. GoUghtley. Oh, some one to sing to me, sigh for me, die for 
me ! 

Captain Smith. \ 

Captain Brand. ) 

Madge. [Starting.'] Did I hear a reciprocal voice ? 

Mrs. GoUghtley. Did I ? 

Captain Smith. 1 

Captain Brand. J 

[Both ladies spring to their feet and retreat in astonishment, when they 
appear to discover, and for the first time, the presence of the two gentlemen.] 

Madge. [Slanging her head demurely.] And I have betrayed to 
strangers the one secret of my soul. 

Mrs. GoUghtley. By what right, sirs, have you surprised us at our 
confidences? Dear friend [addressing 'Madge], he has such an eye, 
that gentleman there, that I tremble. 

Captain Brand. [Advancing and lisping.] Oddth life ! We were 
jutht thaying th' thame thing 'bout your thweet eyeth, an' we don' 
mind echoth. 

Captain Smith. [Also advancing.] That fweller withwout, there, 
twold us nobwody waw at whome ; thwat Mwister Gwolightley waw 
gwone to mweet us. 

3frs. GoUghtley. It is true. We are strangers here, like yourselves, 
taking refuge from the storm [waving her hand towards Madge], — my 
friend. Miss Dacre, and myself. 

Madge. [Sweeping her hand in turn.] My friend, Miss Madge Kirby, 
and myself. 

Captain Brand. [Coming nearer.] Thweet name, that. Thweet 
name, Madge ith. He'th Thmith. [Indicating with his thumb Captain 
Smith, who botes very low indeed.] 



JEALOUSY. 11 

Captain Smith. Wand he's Bwand. [^Indicating Captain Beand, 
who proceeds to take his sword from between his legs. This accomplished, 
he in turn bows profoundly to the ladies, with his arms akimbo.^ 

Madge. Oh, mwy, how pwitty ! 

Captain Smith. Pwitty ? you ware th' pwitty wone. I love you 
al weady ! 

3Irs. Golightley. Allow me to play the part of hostess, and beg you 
gentlemen to seat yourselves. I was about mixing a dressing for the 
salad when you appeared. \_To Captain Brand.] Will you kindly 
assist me. 

[He bows ecstatically and seats himself beside her at table.'] 

Captain Smith. An' you, — what were you d wooing, Mwiss Dacwaw? 

Madge. Only trying to crochet. Would you like to try ? 

Captain Smith. Twy ? I'd love to twy. 

Madge. [Handing him the needle and ivool.'] Then you shall, sir. 

Captain Smith. [Bending tenderly nearer. ~\ No, I d won't mwean twy 
that. 

Mrs. Golightley. [Shoioing her mayonnaise already made to Captain 
Brand,] Isn't it just a perfect symphony in oil? a dream of the 
palate in creamy yellow? 

Captain Brand. Yes ; I dream me of dils, dils, daffidowndillies, of 
all sweet spring things [ Then perceiving from the expression of sur- 
prise in her face that he has forgotten his lisp.] Dilth, dilth, daffidown- 
dillith ; meadowy yellow cowthlip yellow. [As she continued to regard 
him suspiciously he proceeds to change the current of her thoughts by fright- 
ening her.] But while we dilly-dally thuth [thus], know ye, that a kith 
on the hand (if not on the lipth) maketh a drething, particularly thith 
kind of a thymphony in oil, all it thould be. Don't draw back, thweet 
one. 

Mrs. Golightley. I must, sir generalissimo : you have known me 
only five minutes. 

Captain Brand. An age, an age to my feelingth ! 

Captain Smith. [Pricking up his ears.] What aw you sayin' ower 
there ? / haven't gwot half so fwar. 

Madge. You are wise, oh, man of buttons ! 

Mrs. Golightley. [Tasting the mayonnaise.] Done, and without the 
kiss on the hand. [Rises from table.] So, Captain Brand, you will see 
the propriety of leaving that particular ingredient out of your next rule. 

[Madge rises also hastily from her chair, Captan Smith is become 
so aggressive in his adoring attitude.] 

Captain Brand. Yetli, yeth, but I can't thtaud being dithappointed. 
Pr'ythee ! pr'ythee ! [Follows Mrs. Golightley in her flight round the 
room.] 

Mrs. Golightley^ Moses ! Moses ! 

Madge, [i^^eemp'/roni Captain Smith.] Mo — Mo — Moses! 



12 JEALOUSY. 

Enter Moses. 

Moses. Your rooms are ready, gentlemen ! 

Captain Brand. [^Addressing Am.] Motheth [Moses], you are an 
interrupthion. You are worth [worse] than a pair of thitherth [scis- 
sors]. You out uth thweethearth [sweethearts] in two — two ! 

Captain Smith. Aw wewaw [au revoir] we will weturn. \_Kissing his 
handjhe backs towards the door.'] Dwon't weep, we will weturn. 

Captain Brand. By th' thick o' my thumb [_waves his sword vigor- 
ouslii in air], tho' we go, we thpeed uth [speed us] back thoon again. 

\Exeunt both. 

Mrs. Golightley. [Dropping her face in her hands.~\ I can never face 
Paul again, — -never, never ! 

Re-enter Captain Smith, stumbling. He takes his sword from between 
his legs, being incommoded by it. 

Captain Smith. Dwon't weep. We will weturn. [^Exit. 

Re-enter Captain Brand, who remains near the door bowing and 
ecstatically kissing his hand. 

Captain Brand. Thweets to the thweet [sweets to the sweet]. Thus 
I thay, day-day ! [Exit. 

Mrs. Golightley. [ Watching the door apprehensively.] Oh, dear ! oh, 
dear ! it's just like a nightmare. 

Madge. [ Who has flung herself in a chair and proceeds to hide her 
head under the table-cloth.] Yes ; I wouldn't look again for anything. 
Oh, Frank, what would you say did you know all? That most horrid 
drum-major! I never want to see a sword or a shoulder-strap again. 
[Taking her head from under the table-cloth.] Weally, now, Gwertwoode 
mimicking Captain Smith], what dwoo you thwink of it? 

Mrs. Golightley. Think of it? Oh, Madge, don't laugh. It isn't 
a laughing matter. We have acted ridiculously. 

Madge. You forget. What did they do under similar circum- 
stances, — they, the men we love ? [Mimicking Captain Smith.] No, 
Fwank, Pwaul, we ware wewenged ! 

Mrs. Golightley. Yes, revenged ; but hoiv f 

Enter Moses. 
Moses. Master is home again, and Mr. Frank, an' they're a-comin' 

up. 

Jfrs. Golightley. Detain them a moment. [Exit Moses. 

Madge. Here's your veil, Gertrude. 

Mrs. Golightley. Yes, let us play this commedietta to the end, however 
woful that end may be. We shall give these men a last chance to 
prove themselves true. Should they continue false, then — then 

Madge. Let's pretend to be asleep. 



JEALOUSY. 13 

Ifrs. Golightley. An excellent idea. While awaiting our gallants' 
return we have fallen asleep. So be it. But first I cry out against 
the need. Aroynt thee, oh, ye spinning fates ! 

Madge. Don't forget, Gertrude, to strike a pretty attitude. 

Mrs. Golightley. Soft, you, they come. 

Enter two figures — Paul and Frank — cloaked. 

Paul. Asleep. 

Frank. Yea, asleep. [Stepping on tiptoe.'] What grace! What 
indolence ! How rewarded is our impatience to return ! 

Paul. A vision of loveliness indeed ! Vive la bagatelle ! Apr^s 
nous le deluge, and all that sort of thing ! The sight makes a poet of 
me. I ought to run away, but I can't. I feel chained to the spot. I 
can't help liking these beautiful creatures to some heavenly duplicate. 
Two cherries upon a single stem. Two stars with but one twinkle, 
or — or something of that sort. Frank ! One should not marry in 
haste. The awakening is sure to come. Observe [kneels beside Madge's 
chair] how petite, child-like. Frank, I have made a life's mistake in 
adoring tall women ! 

Frank. [Making as if to peep under Mrs. Golightley's veil.] 
Not so. Give me the tall — divinely tall — representative of her sex. 
I kneel at her feet. I bow as before a shrine. I — I 

Mr. Golightley. Tralee, be a man. Remember Madge, your ^ancee, 
and do not go too far. 

Frank. [Starting to his feet and pacing the room^ Madge — Madge 

Pom — Pom No, I can't pronounce that name. I have forgotten 

how. Kir — Kir — Kirby. That comes easy, dulcetly easy. Madge 
Kirby ! Singular fatality that there should be two Madges and both 
doting on me ! Yet, Paul, I have an idea. It's well to have one 
where two might be dangerous just now. There remains to me one 
consolation. When she returns, that is, when Madge Pom — Pom 

Paul. Pomme de Terre. 

Frank. Yes, that's the name, — Pomme de Terre, — Madge Pomme 
de Terre. I had forgotten it for the moment. When Madge Pomme 
de Terre returns, in calling her by name, I shall address mentally 
another Madge, and live an existence of secret devotion to this other's 
image. 

Paul. Tralee, be a man. See how brave I am ; how self-controlled ; 
and yet — and yet I long to throw myself at the feet of this beauteous 
chee-ild. [He bows himself over the back of Madge Pomeroy's chair.] 

Frank. They stir. 

Paul. So ends our dream. Yet, before 'tis too late, while yet they 
slumber, let us 

Frank. Yes, let us. [Softly kneels beside Mrs. Golightley.] 'Tis 
meet 



14 JEALOUSY. 

Paul. [Kneeling beside Madge.] For repentance. Never ! Rather 
satiety than that. But there must be no satiety. I implore you, no 
satiety ! Only one kiss ! Frank, my boy, remember Madge Pomme 
de Terre, and limit yourself to one ! 

Frank. I would die for one ! 

Paul. [Looking across at Frank.] I bethink me. Tralee, we have 
ever made personal sacrifices one for the other. From our boyhood 
this has been true of us. Let our spirit of self-abnegation not end 
here. Though it kill us, we will exchange girls. I'll take the Kirby, 
and give to you this child of light and love, this beauteous Miss Dacre. 

Frank. All right, even should we both think we are getting the 
worst of it. 

[They rise and cross each other on tiptoe, Frank taking Paul's 
place beside Madge Pomeroy, and Paul kneeling beside his wife.'] 

Paul. They stir again. Let us hasten. When I count three, for- 
get yourself. One — two — three 

[Just as they bend, the ladies start to their feet and stand waving the 
gentlemen tragically aside.] 

Madge. [Addressing Frank.] Knaive ! 

Mrs. Golightley. [Confronting Paul.] Traitor ! 

Frank. That attitude ! 

Paul. That voice ! 

[The- ladies tear aside their veils. Paul and Frank half turn 
away.] 

Madge. Yes, hide your face, Frank Tralee [throwing herself upon a 
chair with her head resting upon the table], as I hide mine for shame of 
you. Intrigant ! that I ever could have loved you ! 

Mrs. Golightley. My utmost suspicions as to your true nature 
verified. My last hope of continued faith in you destroyed. Yes, 
stand you there, Paul Golightley, abased, afraid to meet mine eyes ! 

Paul. A horse ! a horse ! My kingdom for a horse to fly this 
wrathful presence ! 

Mrs. Golightley. Go to ; go to. 

Frank. [Sidling up to Madge.] This — er — er — event is so entirely 
unexpected. I — 1 cry peccavi! Give me to eat, sweet Nemesis, some 
humble pie. I eat — and eat — I swear 

Madge. Out of my sight ! 

Frank. I eat — and eat — I swear ! I'm ancient Pistol downed to 
mother earth, or Nebuchadnezzar (an' it please you) a-foraging for 
grass. Grass or leek, all's the time to me. I'm downed. I'm hum- 
ble. 

Madge. [Interrupting him.] And I 

Frank. You ? You are a lovely 

Madge. Pomme de terre ! Vegetarian too, you see, sir. Common 
sympathy as to the vegetable kingdom, if nothing else, unites our souls. 



JEALOUSY. 15 

sir. " Pom — Pom — Poinme de Terre ! Yes, that's her name, — Madge 
Pomme de Terre. I'd forgotten it for the moment." Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Frank. Margaret ! 

Madge. \_8trik'mg a sardonic attitude.'] Sir, leek, grass, pomme de 
terre, all green and humble flora. As green as humble. We shall see. 
Mj name is Pomeroy, not Pomme de Terre, and my father did flirt his 
sword with the best of duellists. 

Frank. Margaret, pause, reflect. Is it possible that you are giving 
me the sack ? 

3fadge. The sack ? The Bosphorus too ! In with you from the 
harem window ! 

Frank. Enough. Rail at me, twist my head oflP, but don't you 
dare, in your revenge, take another sweetheart. S'death ! don't you 
dare do it ! 

Madge. That's a comforting idea. I will — I will take one. 

Paul. And you, unhappy Gertrude, would you gladly exchange me 
for another ? Is that your meaning ? 

Mrs. GoUghtley. Exactly. Any one would do. Moses would do, — 
any one. I'm done forever with your emotional riff-raff. I'm off to 
some other shelter wheresoever I can find it. 

[^At this moment Paul and Feank throw aside their cloaks, revealing 
the glittering uniforms of Captains Smith and Brand. Both chassee 
gallantly and boio, saying,'] At your service, ladies. 

l^After a pause of astonishment, a silence of consternation, the ladies 
fly to each other^s arms.] 

Paul. Spirit of Gentle Will ! 'Tis all alarums here and excur- 
sions ! The tucket sounds. 

Frank. Yes, sound the trumpet. By Shakespeare, sound it ! 'Tis 
time to point a moral or adorn a tale. 

Mrs. GoUghtley. '] 

Madge. | Betrayed ! 

Paul. As you please, fair girls we left behind us. Smith and I 
have our whiskers in our pockets, our wigs on a hook outside the door. 
We can readorn ourselves in a moment if " presto" be your cry, an' 
you will whisper to us again as you whispered so sweetly, so longingly, 
just a little while ago, " Some one to sing to me, sigh for me, die for 
me!" 

Frank. " Did I hear a reciprocal voice ? Did I ?" Margaret, did I ? 

[Gertrude and. Madge turn away.] 

Paul. Give me your hand, Gertrude. And Madge, give yours to 
Frank. Isn't it about time to cry quits ? Haven't we had our fun 
out? This has been a screaming farce from beginning to end. 

Frank. And, as usual, the biters are bitten. Instead of biting us, 
they are bitten. But a truce, cry I, to all distressful compliments o 
the season and reason. 



16 JEALOUSY. 

Enter Moses with a loaded tray. 

Moses, Here's a nice, fresh, hot supper, ma'am, and it is served. 

Mrs. Golightley. We told you not to tell, sirrah ! 

3£oses. [^Cowering. ^ Not I, ma'am, I — I 

Madge. Yes, there stands the culprit. We never should have been 
discovered had Moses not betrayed us. I still maintain that man, under 
any circumstances, will do anything. 

Paul. [^Aside.'] A little mixed as to sense. [^Aloud.J^ I'll wind it for 
her neatly on a spool. Yes, man will forgive the most unjust suspicions 
harbored against him by the woman he loves, even should her suspicions 
relate to his last fib. Come, Gertrude, remember Captain Brand and 
let us make up. 

Frank. That's a fair and generous proposition. I'll make one like 
it to you, my girl. I'll forgive that little affair of yours with a certain 
gentleman of the army, — one of the numerous Smiths, — should you 
fall penitently right here [^smiting the region over his hearty, right here, 
Madge, — Madge JPomme de Terre. 

Mrs. Golightley. On one condition will I forgive you, Paul, one 
condition only, — -you must never, never speak to Madge again. 

Madge. Frank, you hear that condition ? With us it works the 
other way. Sir, you must never, never even look at Gertrude. 

Moses. Supper is served, ma'am. 

All cry. Supper ! 

Paul. Well, after our recent unpleasantness here is some one thing 
which we may all agree upon. Supper is a good thing. Jealousy a 
vile thing. All hail, then, to the smoking viands ! and to the night 
outside with jealousy, that rotten shape with its bat-like wings ! 

Gertrude. Yes, to the winds with jealousy ! Paul, dear Paul, here 
is my hand. Take it, hold it fast, never let it go again. 

Frank. Oh, that's the talk, is it ? Then let us get married at once, 
my dear. I had begun to tremble, Margaret, for our future happiness. 
But if you women repent so easily and so sweetly, why, I guess I can 
stand it. So, to supper, sweetheart, and should I ever dare offer you 
potato under its French name, don't get mad, but laugh with me over 
the follies of this night. 

Moses. [^Watching the ladies and gentlemen seat themselves at table.'\ 
I thought supper 'ud fetch 'em, — that is, a nice, fresh, hot one. I'm 
the good angel into this household ! As soon as I come there they 
stopped their nonsense. Just think of it ! I — Moses Periwinkle — 
have made peace ! lo, peace ! [ Wags his head sagaciously and crosses 
his hands upon his apron.^ 

[^Curtain.^ 

Mes. Wildeick. 



